Domestic violence is a pattern of terrorising behaviours used to control an intimate partner. It includes emotional, sexual, physical and financial abuse. A domestic abuser or batterer, uses physical or sexual violence, emotional hurt and threats to exercise control over the victim. It causes victims to change their behaviours in response to the abuse/abuser. Domestic violence occurs in all socio-economic, racial and religious groups. Sexual orientation is no protection nor is age or gender!
WHAT YOU CAN DO:
If you or anybody you know is in an abusive relationship, please get help today! If you are in fear for your life or in imminent danger call the police right away!
Domestic Violence is a serious crime - It is against the law! Call 999 - The police will speak to you separately from your partner / ex-partner. Their first priority is the safety of you and any children.
Signs of Abuse are:
Pushed or shoved you,
Held you to keep you from leaving,
Slapped or beat you,
Kicked, choked, hit, or punched you
Locked you out of the house,
Abandoned you in a dangerous place,
Refused to help you when you were sick, injured, or pregnant,
Subjected you to reckless driving,
Forced you off the road or kept you from driving,
Threatened or hurt you with a weapon
Told anti-women jokes or made demeaning remarks about women,
Treated women as sex objects,
Been jealously angry, assuming you would have sex with another,
Insisted you dress in a more sexual way than you wanted,
Minimized the importance of your feelings about sex,
Criticized your sexuality,
Insisted on unwanted and uncomfortable touching,
Withheld sex or affection,
Called you derogatory sexual names like "whore" or "frigid",
Publicly showed sexual interest in other people,
Had affairs with others after agreeing to a monogamous relationship,
Forced you to have unwanted sex with others or forced you to watch others,
Forced particular unwanted sexual acts ,
Forced sex after beating,
Forced sex when you were sick or it was dangerous to your health,
Forced sex for the purpose of hurting you with objects or weapons,
Committed sadistic sexual acts.
EMOTIONAL & VERBAL ABUSE
Ignored your feelings,
Ridiculed or insulted women as a group,
Ridiculed or insulted your most valued beliefs, your religion, race or heritage,
Withheld approval, appreciation, or affection as punishment,
Continually criticized you, called you names, shouted at you,
Insulted or drove away your friends or family,
Humiliated you in public or private,
Refused to socialize with you,
Kept you from working, controlled your money or made all decisions,
Refused to work or share money,
Took car keys or money away,
Regularly threatened to leave or told you to leave,
Threatened to kidnap/take the children from you if you left,
Abused pets to hurt you,
Told you about affairs in which the batterer has been engaged,
Harassed you about affairs the batterer imagined you were having,
Manipulated you with lies and contradictions,
STALKING & CYBERSTALKING
Followed you [stalking],
Quizzed you about where you have been, whom you were with, etc.
Listened to or monitored your phone calls,
Constantly called you at work or friends' homes,
Sent threatening or obscene email to locate or harass you,
Traced your computer and internet activity,
Stole your electronic/internet identity,
Posted improper or enticing information on message boards & guest books using your name, phone number, or email address, resulting in subsequent responses being sent to you, etc.
*Pray and seek God for answers & direction & get practical answers on the direction to take which may include:
Phoning The Police
Maybe leave home temporarilly.
or leave home permanently.
Remainin in your home but getting the abuser to leave.
Take legal action.
If you plan to stay:
*Pray and seek God for answers & direction.
Share your concerns with your health visitor, GP, work colleagues, family or a trusted friend.
Listen to your instincts.
Do whatever it takes to stay safe.
Donít ignore the obvious Ė Know when to get away safely with your children.
Play it safe Ė donít threaten to leave.
Be careful not to give away your safety plan to anyone.
Teach your children to memorise the emergency telephone numbers!
Get in touch & stay in touch with a refuge, shelter or women aid organisation.
If you plan to leave:
*Pray and seek God for answers & direction.
Get in touch with a refuge, shelter or women aid organisation.
Have a change of clothes in place.
Save money for bus, taxi or train,
Pack your medications and your children's.
Pack the original or photocopies of your birth certificates.
Have your driver's License & a copy in a safe place.
Pack your checkbook, credit cards and saved up cash.
Don't let your behaviour give away your plan.
Remain clear headed - make adequate back up plan.
The most importatnt thing is your safety and that of your children.
If you are unable to remove any or some of the above items, simply leave without them & get to a safe place!